How Do I Explain My Singleness At Christmas Dinner? #JingleLadies
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Some women are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others may be single due to the circumstances of their lives. They might have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated consistently and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this blog post isn’t to stereotype single women or to put anyone in a box. However, for women, particularly those over 30, it just seems that the main question everyone always asks is, and only really wants to know is ‘why are you single?‘
It gets worse at Christmas, never mind the immense loneliness one can feel, the way our social media feed algorithms want to flood us and make sure we see couples being cute and christmassy or the fact we have no one to buy us new UGG slippers. No. The real hard part comes across the table at Christmas Dinner.
Whether your family gatherings are huge or small, it’s guaranteed someone is asking the question. And this can be asked in many different ways, and although, it can be intrusive, tiring, saddening and just frustrating to have to answer, you can have a little fun with it, if you want too 😉
Here are 8 ways on how to explain your singleness at christmas dinner:
HONESTY
So, you either want to be single or you don’t and you either care what people think or you don’t – A person who does not care what other people think is free, and being single does not have to mean one is sad and lonely all the time. People who love themselves usually have an active social life, hobbies, close friendships, a loving family — and they’re happy regardless of their marital status. Literally just say that. And if you are unhappy being single you can choose to explain or not to explain. If you do choose honesty and feel like you have to explain then let me tell you something, you can explain and express as much as you want that you don’t want to be single and want to find someone and you’ll likely end up feeling no more happier.
Please then proceed to ask everyone involved in the questioning to stop being selfish and give you recommendations for people to date or bring someone forward for an arranged marriage. If they can’t do that then please, tell them to mind their business.
QUESTION
If the ‘why are you single?‘ question is brought up by the same person every time you see that person, and your answer is consistently the same, you might want to ask them why they bring it up? Ask them why are they so interested in your personal life, what do they take from it and what do they gain from it? Tell them you are curious about why they do this. Ask them to help you understand, please?
Honestly, just fire back with some rhetorical or sarcastic questions to get the conversation over and done with. They’ll soon realise how inner they are and retreat.
AVOID
Pretty self explanatory. If you’ve sat through Christmas Dinner with the family more than once you’ll know when the conversation is steering towards relationship updates. Just dip. Start the washing up even though dessert hasn’t been served. Hide in the toilet and scroll through Insta. Take the dog for a walk. Anything. Just avoid it at all costs and even if someone does try to ask at any point, literally just class yourself legally deaf and act like you didn’t hear.
POSITIVITY
Some people are Negative Nancy’s and they just can’t help themselves, you’ll know who they are by the way they question you, the tone and the facial expression and the critical wording… for example;
‘Oh are you still not with anyone, better hurry up or all the good ones will be gone, don’t you even want kids? Me and my Andy* have been together 12 years now‘
– this concludes with narrowed eyes, a distasteful smirk and hair flick. WATCH OUT.
Anyway, to answer this you can use any of the answers here but what people really hate when they are trying to get under your skin is when they can’t actually get under your skin. Fire back with self love and positivity, share in depth details about anything you’ve progressed with and how much freedom you have to do the things you love. Feel free to mention that no one leaves your toilet seat up either.
DISMISS
Thank the person and keep it moving.
Thanks for asking but I don’t want to answer that nor have a conversation about my personal life.
SAY NO MORE.
STATISTICS
Sometimes you just gotta hit em with the facts. You can tell overbearing relatives that new research suggests that singles report higher levels of fulfilment, self-determination, and personal growth. The more confident you are about your single status, the less you’ll have to convince them that you’re happy being single, because you naturally are already.
LIE
You can choose to lie, you can tell everyone that actually you aren’t single anymore but don’t feel comfortable bringing your new partner around family just yet. You could tell them you’ve been offered a new job in America that you start in the New Year so there was no point dating, you can then update them mid feb that the work plans had fallen through… You can tell them anything… Who’s gonna know?
I mean I am way too close to my family, they would 100 percent know I’m chatting shit so this one’s not an option for me.
And I don’t encourage this option, because lying is your own character suicide, you will lose integrity, credibility, trustworthiness and self esteem. Trust is super important in any relationship, including the ones you have with your family. Over time, lying to them can really erode trust. But if it’s all too much and you want the conversation done then, actually, the option to lie is there… no judgement.
REPEAT
Give everyone the exact same answer so the conversation goes no further and they don’t feel comfortable to pry. The goal is to respond to your inquisitive relatives without directly answering their question. Repeating your answer in the same, or varying forms, will acknowledge they spoke to you, but they are not entitled to pry. Create a response and practice it until it feels comfortable.
It’s all fun and games until we’re triggered and I understand how triggering it can be being asked the question. So, if you would rather avoid it at Christmas Dinner and feel like you might need support, just mention to your parents/family or whoever is hosting beforehand that if you are asked could they help to steer the conversation in a different direction as you’d really like to just have family time and enjoy the day. Express that you really don’t want to be reminded of how single you are and that being together on this day is important to you.
We all have different families, cultures and communication styles so find what works for you and what feels natural for you.
My family already know I am honest and I am sarcastic so Christmas Dinner is no exception, they will be told that yes I am still single, by choice, I’ve got stuff to do for myself in this life, and apparently single men out here have a different definition of what single is because these days the single men come with a wife, actual dirty laundry and no ambition. So until I’ve reached a few more of my goals, I’m not bothered.
FURTHERMORE, not being funny right, but if you’re so concerned, bring a man in front of me that you feel is worthy. THANK YEW.
Yeah honesty and sarcasm, I think it’s a great combo to counteract the convo.
Stay safe and take care,
Sammi xx
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